Four Months!

Lucas turned four months old over the weekend. For the first time I really, truly believe it, and am excited about the growth that has happened instead of sad that he is not my soft little squish anymore. I cannot imagine my life without this little guy in it, smiling at me every single day.

There have been SO MANY CHANGES this past month. I really feel that in these past few weeks, he has gone from a little tiny baby to a little tiny human. His personality is bigger than ever and his progress continues to amaze me. His laugh is getting bigger and louder, and he will often spend quite a bit of time doing nothing but laughing and talking to himself. In fact, I had the pleasure of listening to him squeal and giggle at nothing for 30 minutes this morning. It would have been even more adorable if it hadn't been 3:30 A.M. but it was cute nonetheless.

We still struggle with tummy time -- it continues to be one of his least favorite things to do. But where he lacks in that, he is excelling in so many other things. He is so strong and can often push himself up from sitting with some support from mommy & daddy. He isn't quite rolling over yet, but I blame that from the kick-stand that is his arm. If he would ever take his hands out of his mouth, he may be able to get over just a tad farther. But we are working on it, and it will happen in due time!

Lucas is so curious all the time. Within the last week even, he has started to reach for objects. He is fascinated by what his hands can do and will explore whatever he can get his little fingers on, whether that's any of his soft plush animals or mamma's lips. Of course, as soon as he gets his hands on it, it's straight to his mouth. He tries so hard and you can see the determination in his face when he tries to master something new. I think he takes after mom on that one!

We also took a huge leap and moved from the bassinet to the crib this past month. This one was not quite my doing as much as it was pressure [but not really] from M. I don't know why I felt the need to keep him in the bedroom with us for longer, other than for completely selfish reasons. His nursery is right next to our bedroom so even having him in the crib doesn't mean a much farther walk. But it meant he was getting bigger, and you better believe that as soon as I put him to bed that first night, I may or may not have burst into tears. He, of course, slept most of the night with zero problems.

Since then, we have started the unswaddling process, and are currently dealing with one arm out. The first couple of nights went off without a hitch, but the past two have been a little more difficult. I am hoping that this is a quick phase and we can get him unswaddled before he starts rolling over. Again, swaddling him this long was mostly selfish [it REALLY helps him sleep longer stretches at night] but he also enjoys it. The big goofy grin that shows up when I start rolling him like a burrito does not lie!

We did also venture into rice cereal this past week. Little guy is eating a ton, but whether we give him four ounces or six ounces, he still wants to eat every two hours. Which gets old, really fast. We have tried spoon feeding him a very runny version of rice cereal, but the two times we have done that, he wasn't quite that interested. I'm not in any rush to start spoon feeding him, since he JUST turned four months old, so we will likely wait a long while before we try that again. Besides, all he wanted to do, of course, was put the bib in his mouth.

However, on the advice of our pediatrician, we are doing a formula/rice cereal mixture in his bottles. Hopefully we can find a mixture that works well for him and helps spread out his feedings to three or four hours apart. I definitely know my amazing nanny/sitter would appreciate it!!

This weekend we ventured off to Florida for a much needed looooooong weekend away & a mini-family vacation. But that's a blog post all on it's own & I am working on writing that one up!

I am continually amazed by what a beautiful, wonderful blessing we have with Lucas. He is the perfect baby and every day I am in awe of how much he changes. I love this kid a little more every day, and every day I shock myself with how much love there is for him. Life is a surprising, exhausting and exciting roller coaster.

But life is so good because of it.

We love our jumper!

I have posted some of these on facebook already, but not everybody can see those. Enjoy the cuteness!

Three Months!

Three months. Holy cow, my baby is three months.

I am really not quite sure where all of this time is going. It still feels like yesterday that this little guy came into the world with a bang. And now here we are -- Thirteen weeks later and no longer a newborn.

This guy is straight up a little man. It's amazing to me the changes that have occurred in the past month. He continues to grow every single day, and makes strides in his progress. I swear this kid is days away from walking. Ok, not really, but I would not be surprised if we had an early walker. All he wants to do is either sit up or stand. Our [and by that I mean his] favorite game is to sit down. stand up. sit down. stand up. Repeat over and over again. His legs are unbelievably strong. It is only a matter of time before this guy starts moving on his own. He has started rocking from side to side just a bit when he is on his back, and he kicks his legs like crazy when he is on his tummy.

His personality also continues to shine! We had our first real giggle on Father's Day, and I do everything I can to make him do it again on a daily basis. Hearing that sweet little laugh [because it is still little!] melts my heart! We are working on grabbing and holding, and he is every so slightly getting the hang of it. His favorite toy is the sweet giraffe rattle that he has in the above picture. It's just small enough that he can get his hand and arm around it. Of course, his favorite thing to stick in his mouth is his hand. He cannot get enough of those things.

Little man is still sleeping in our room with us, in his bassinet. This one is completely on me. With me going back to work three weeks ago, I am not ready to have him in his crib yet. I get so few hours with him a day that I find comfort knowing that he's in the room with us, even if I'm not holding him or spending time with him. I don't know when I'll be ready to give that up, but I do know that M is pushing for it sooner rather than later. We have a one story home, and his nursery is right next to ours, so there is no reason for him NOT to be in his crib yet. It's totally personal preference and comfort on my part. I'll get there when I get there, but I'm not pushing it yet. Although, it will have to happen soon. I find him squished up at the bottom more often than not, which is impressive considering we are still swaddling pretty tightly.

Another big milestone this past month was starting cloth diapering! We eased into it as we found brands that we liked, but we are full time now, and I am LOVING IT. I am so happy that we decided to go this route, and I am already working on a post on the ins and outs of cloth diapering from a newbies perspective. But I LOVE our pocket diapers and Lucas seems to have no problem with them, either. Plus, they are just so dang cute. I can't wait to share my experiences on what we have learned and our processes with them.

Also, my photos have been shit lately. I don't know what it is, but I'm vowing to take BETTER photos of my kid. It may be the fact that I am horrible about even picking up my camera, when I have my nice little iphone to do the trick. I literally have a thousand photos on my iphone of him. I MUST stop that habit! Because I know I will regret not having more photos of him down the road. And these photos, as cute as they are, just won't cut it :)

I am looking forward to the next month and all the new milestones that we reach! He is growing up so quick before my eyes. I can barely stand it!

Two Months: So Big!

I have been horrible about blogging lately. I swear, things will change. I promise! This two month update is a little late (by like, two and a half weeks) but I needed to get something down. My goal is to put all of this into a book at SOME POINT. Yeah, we will see if that ever happens!

I officially went back to work this week, which means the couple of weeks leading up to it were spent getting in as many snuggles as I possibly could. This week has been rough on many levels, but I know that my little guy is in amazing hands with our sitter/my friend and is being well-loved. So much, in fact, that he has gone to sleep almost an hour earlier than normal each night from just being plain worn out.

With his two month checkup, he weighed in at a whopping 13 lbs! THIRTEEN. There is no doubt about it, my boy loves to eat. He was so skinny when he was born, even though he was 8lbs, because he was so dang long (21.5 inches). He definitely needed some fat, so I'm glad that he has plumped up. Chunky babies are adorable. And he is so healthy, which is always a plus.

We have also very much established a routine at this point! He has become even more consistent with his sleeping habits, which has been wonderful. We have started working on our sleep training skills [which, this book right here, is amazing. LOVE IT and cannot wait to dive more into it!]. He has been pretty good about going to sleep around 9:00 every night [earlier this week because of all the excitement during the day!] and we are working on putting him down while he is still slightly awake, allowing him to fall asleep on his own. I know that schedules are not for everyone, but for us they are so important, especially with both M & I working full time. He is also, for the most part, continuing to sleep through the night, or close to. We are only doing one feeding over the course of the night [usually around 4am], which makes for a very happy mama. And his naps during the day are becoming more and more consistent.

Physically, this kid is a power house! Aside from his obvious weight gain, he is growing so much. He is standing with help and wants to sit up all the time. We had to break down and buy a bumbo chair [which we love, by the way!] because he just wants to be up and see the world. If we lay him down on the boppy pillow, he strains to try and sit himself up on his own. We let him do that for a while to help him build up his tummy muscles until he gets vocally frustrated, and then we put him in the bumbo where is a seriously happy camper. This kid is advanced, and I have no doubt in my mind that we will have an early walker.

All in all, this kid continues to be amazing & a wonderful part of our lives. I have so much love for this kiddo. Being at work kills me, although I know that I am able to provide so much more for his life this way. I also really do enjoy my job [another post for another day] and while being away from him all day is hard, it makes the time I do have with him in the evenings that much sweeter.

On my end, things continue to go well. I have lost 40 pounds since giving birth [the 18 lbs gained during pregnancy and an additional 22 on top of that!] and am continuing to work out when possible. So new moms out there, it CAN be done! I have found that making time for yourself is just as important as taking care of your little one. Now that I am working full time, it will be a little more difficult, but I am determined to lose the additional weight that I need to lose by the end of this year.

All in all, life is pretty good. I'm looking forward to this new chapter as I figure out the work situation & routine. And I am completely lovin' my little guy!! (Last picture courtesy of Kayla J Photography!)

Pictures!

I have a couple of update posts to write (including his two month post, even though we are a couple of weeks past that ... whoops) but I'm transitioning back into work, so the past couple of weeks have been crazy. I wanted to get as much snuggle time with the little man as I could before coming back, and this week we have been working on a new routine & trying to figure out what works best in the mornings.

BUT, while we were in Seattle, we did get some photos done by the always great Kayla. Here are a few of my favorites!

Six Weeks: So Vocal!

This past Thursday, Lucas hit the six week mark. Every week I am in awe at how fast the time goes and how much he changes. And how BIG he is getting. We are officially out of newborn clothes (aside from a couple of cute things that I still squeeze him into because I can't bare to put them away yet!) and growing every day.

Six Week
He has also become so much more vocal than last week. Last week we started to see the cute little coo's in more volume, but this week he has been a little chatterbox. We've heard a couple of beginnings to laughter, but nothing that I would consider his first laugh yet. He also hates tummy time. We don't last more than a couple of minutes before he starts an all out fit. Needless to say, I think we're a little behind in that aspect. But his head control is amazing, and has been since early on. He'll make up for it.

Lucas also looks more and more like a little boy every single day. Not that there was any doubt that he was definitely a boy (you know what I mean!) but his growth is changing everything. And sometimes I look at him and just think, wow, where did my newborn baby go? I know I'm a little biased, but I happen to think I have a pretty darn cute baby, and every day he surprises me with a new look or a new action. He's growing way too fast. 

The dogs, I think, have finally accepted that Lucas is here to stay. Lucas is definitely much more curious of them than they are of him, for the most part. They are cautious of him on some days, and protective on others. And, every once in a while, they sneak in the occasional lick when we can't shoo them away quick enough. But they are all such loving dogs and a huge part of our little family. Neither of us can wait for the day when Lucas is up and running around, old enough to really play with them. In a weird way, it is something that we are really looking forward to. Our dogs were (and still are) like our children for the longest time. We're happy to be bringing both those worlds together.

Tomorrow, Lucas & I head to Seattle for a week to visit family & friends, so that everyone can meet the little guy and see what an adorable kid we have. I'm nervous about the trip because we are doing it solo, and I have a lot of logistics to work out. M isn't able to get the time off work, hence just the two of us going out there, but I'm hoping that it will be smooth flying for us. I'm not so much worried about Lucas on the flights, because he is a pretty easy kid and as long as I keep him fed he will be happy. I'm going with a "whatever happens happens" attitude, and hoping that people will be sympathetic to me being solo. Although Lucas is a generally mild mannered kid, and I don't think we will have any major issues. At least, my fingers are crossed. But wish me luck. We will definitely need it! I am looking forward to the family time, as this will probably be our last vacation before Christmas.

Have a great weekend!

Five Weeks: All Smiles

What a change this past week has been with the nugget! Holy cow! For the past two weeks, Lucas and I were solo as Daddy was out in the field for some Army training. With no help, we were left to figure thing out on our own, and I will admit, it was kind of nice. It also means that this little man is turning into a serious Mama's Boy, much to M's dismay!

But this week has been all about the smiles! Lucas has finally figured out how to smile on his own, with out the help of his little farts to do the work, and it has become so easy to get that big, cheesy grin from him! In fact, aside from the morning snuggles, getting this guy to smile has become my favorite thing to do. Seeing that big grin first thing in the morning, when he sees me to come pick him up, makes my heart melt a million different ways.

But now that M is back home this week, I've been doing my best to let him handle more situations. Since we've been on our own the past two weeks, we've gotten a pretty good routine down. I know his cries, and his timeline, and essentially, what he needs at any given point during the day. M does not, not that it's his fault. I spent 24/7 with the kid so it only makes sense that Mama Knows Best! But Dad needs to figure it out, too, no matter how hard it is to hear him cry when I know exactly how to rock him/sooth him/hold him to make him feel better. It's a learning process for him, and I need to not let my anxiety get the best of me in those situations. As much as I say that I could use some alone time during the day, when it comes down to it, I love this little guy so much ... I really don't want to let him out of my arms!

He is also growing SO MUCH. He is no longer my tiny little baby we brought home from the hospital. I had to accept the fact that we were moving to a bigger diaper this week, and some of his pajamas's and little pants are getting a tad snug. He's still in newborn size onesies, but we've had to break out the 0-3 month clothes for some other things. It makes me sad that he is already growing so fast. I want him to stay little forever! But Lucas eats like a horse! We cannot put enough food into his belly, which doesn't help my supply issues as he is gradually getting more formula than boob juice, but we are lucky he is such a good eater.

His schedule has also become a little more predictable. His days are still a little varied, and one day can be completely different than the next, but he seems to be falling asleep around 8:00 every night. Aside from a couple quick wakeups for some food (once around 10:30 and again around 2:30) he sleeps very soundly through the night, and we are both up and starting our day around 7:00 am. Because he is such a sound sleeper and is typically very quiet, I'm sleeping pretty hard in those four hour stretches (or so). So with that, I am feeling pretty good these days. Although not as good as I'm sure I will feel when he first sleeps through the night. Of course, it's not all roses and rainbows, but most of the time, it is. I really have no complaints about this kid.

Aside from almost daily walks, there still isn't a lot of physical activity on my part, but I am looking forward to changing that this week. I am going to start working out on a daily basis, thanks to some long walks planned and some home workouts that won't take up too much time. I'm still taking it easy, but I am itching to get into shape and lose some more weight. I'm lucky that I didn't gain much during my pregnancy, and am weighing less than I did when I got pregnant, but I'm still feeling blah. At five weeks post partum, I'm looking forward to being a little more active. I'm stir crazy at the house and feeling antsy, so hopefully this will ease some of that for me and make me feel a little better.

All in all, things are pretty good these days. My maternity leave is half over, and while I am looking forward to going back to work in June, I can't imagine leaving this guy. I'm preparing for it, but getting in all the snuggles I can. We have a trip to Seattle in the very near future to visit family & friends, so I am looking forward to that as well. I can't wait to see how this kid changes in the coming weeks!

All Smiles

We have figured out how to smile on our own! [Without the help of some gas forcing us to do so!] Lucas has been a smiling machine the past few days, and it doesn't take much it seems to be able to get him to crack that cheesy grin & push out some sort of gurgle. The coo's are coming, although in small doses, and I can't wait for this little guy to be much more vocal, in a non-crying & screaming sort of way :)

Four Weeks: One Month Old!

It's hard to believe that at this time four weeks ago, I was recovering from our very difficult delivery but completely & blissfully enamored by the little guy that had graced us with his presence. I know I will keep saying this, probably for years to come, but I do not know where the time went. How is it that this little guy is now a month old?

This past week has been challenging, as Lucas has been going through what I can only categorize as a growth spurt. He has been eating constantly [every hour and a half to two hours, versus every three hours of the previous weeks] and does not want to be put down. Clingy does not even begin to describe it. With that said, I am very grateful that I spent money on some excellent baby carriers, and my Maya Sling Wrap has been used every single day. Aside from the growth spurt/eating/clinginess phase of this past week, he is also napping in shorter time frames, leaving very few opportunities during the day for me to get things done. Insert sling wrap here. It has allowed me to at least throw in a load of laundry, wash some bottles or cram a sandwich into my mouth with both my hands and without a crying baby in the other room. We've been solo this past week as M has been in the field [hooray Army training!] and won't be back for a few more days, so it's been a little daunting, but nothing I can't handle. Although, M may have to take over for a couple of hours when he finally gets home so mamma can have a LITTLE alone time! :)

But, with shorter naps for Lucas, it means more baby time for me! Since he has been so awake this past week, it has left more time for us to play. Or, play as much as you can with a four week old newborn. Our playing time this past week has consisted of some tummy time in bed in the morning after his bottle, as well as time on his play mat in the afternoons. We've also enjoyed reading The Very Hungry Caterpillar in the mornings when he wakes up. Because he has been so alert this past week, he has been able to focus on specific objects much better. I think he likes this books because of the high contrast in colors. Either way, it always catches his attention. 

But the best part of all of it is that his personality is really starting to come out. This kid is about as laid back as one can get. The only times he cries is if he's hungry, needs a diaper change or just wants to be held. Other than that, when he is awake it just soaks everything in. I am hoping that he stays this way through life! The dogs still haven't quite figured out what is going on yet, but have become a little more accustomed to having Lucas around. Cooper is not a fan of the crying, at least the past couple of days, but they are curious as ever when he is down at their level and it is fun to watch them try to figure him out. I can't wait until Lucas is big enough to interact with them a little more.

View from above! He loves the sling wrap!

All in all, I can't believe how fast the time is going, and even on the hardest days [which I will admit, they have not been that difficult lately] I want the time to go just a little bit slower. With four weeks down, it means I only have six weeks left of my maternity leave. As much as I miss people interaction and am looking forward to getting back to my job, I already know I'll have a hard time leaving this guy, even though I know he will be in completely capable  hands. It's just not something I'm ready to think about!

Tummy Time!

So one month down. I feel like next I'm going to be writing about his high school graduation. Slow it down kid, will ya?

Three Weeks & Still Learning

I had every intention of being one of those savvy bloggers who has the time to keep up with baby updates. The original plan was to do once a week for the first month, and then monthly after that. I have already missed the second week, so yay me! BUT, I am posting for week three. So, high five to me for that.

So! Three weeks! I have been peed on more times than I can count in the past three weeks! And Lucas' personality is starting to come through. He is, for the most part, a very easy baby. Aside from the usual fussiness that comes along with a three week old [I'm hungry. I need a new diaper. I'm tired.] is a very chill baby. He is smiling often [although I know at this point, we can thank the gas] and when he is really content, he has started to make some seriously adorable cooing noises. He hates tummy time, but his head movement is stellar for being only three weeks old, so we keep practicing. Aside from some rough times last week when Kim was here, thanks to some gassiness issues, he has been sleeping like a champ during the night, sleeping completely between feedings. Knock on wood.


Our big thing this week is to start working on some sort of routine. It's still difficult because of his sporadic schedule and the fact that we live in two to three hour increments, but we're slowly but surely getting there. We're also trying to get out of the house at least once a day, whether that's for a walk around the neighborhood, visiting some friends, or running errands. It's good for my sanity to get out [and, you know, get dressed in something other than sweats] and good for the little man to experience the world a bit.

He also is much more alert during the day, not instantly falling asleep after his bottle, which is great for some one on one mommy/Lucas time. Finding ways to stimulate a three week old while he's awake is difficult, but we sing songs, read books, and play. Again, seeing his personality start to come out has been so wonderful.

As for me, the post-partum healing continues. Aside from being sore the first couple of weeks, I was feeling pretty good about myself. I had lost all of my baby weight by the end of week one, and continued to drop another 10 pounds in week two [losing 28 pounds total in those two weeks. I only gained 18 pounds total during my pregnancy.]. I've hit a stand still for now [which is fine, I'm not concerned about the weight loss just yet]. Any sort of cardio is still a couple of weeks away, but I think I was so used to seeing myself pregnant for so long that I felt so great about myself in those first two weeks. But this week I've just felt saggy and flabby.

Either way, we are getting there. Being a mother is so very hard. But I am so grateful every single day for this opportunity. I love this little guy more than words can express and we are so blessed to have him in our lives. Plus, he doesn't care if I don't dry my hair or put on makeup. As long as he gets his mommy snuggles, this guy is happy.

Life These Days

Last week, my best friend, Kim, flew out from Seattle to spend some time with our little family. I can most definitely say that it was much, MUCH needed on my part to have her here. We have, for the most part, been figuring out this whole parenting thing solo, as all of our family lives on the west coast. We have had offers from friends for various things, but most involve just coming over to see the baby so I can nap or shower. Again, both wonderful things, but I'm not quite to the point yet where I'm ready to leave the kiddo in the hands of friends, even if it does mean that I get to snooze for an hour in the same house [plus, I can do that when baby sleeps!].

But having Kim here was different. Her baby is seven and a half months old so the few days here was a nice vacation for her, but she was also an unbelievable help to me both physically and emotionally. When she wasn't washing bottles, buying groceries & making coffee [despite me telling her not to] she was convincing me that I was doing everything right, even when Lucas was so gassy that he didn't stop screaming for two hours, leaving both of us [Lucas & I] in tears. And when I just needed to cry because the baby blues are kicking my ass something fierce, she sat there and listened. There is something about a best friend that brings emotional support that nobody else can provide, not to mention the fact that she had very recently gone through everything that I was going through. I love our friends here, but I can't talk to people the way I can talk to Kim. I think this just naturally comes with 20 years of friendship. And, you know, the whole best friend thing.

The Bestie! Love her so very much!

But more than anything, it was just SO NICE to have her here. Our relationship is so unlike any other. It's weird. And I wish every day that we lived closer together because life is just so much more fun with her around. I'm convinced that we wouldn't need anybody else if we lived close to each other again. [You know, aside from our husbands & children!] So it meant so much to me that she was able to come out and share this time with us. And again, she was such amazing help! I love her dearly & I can't wait for our boys to meet each other in May when Lucas & I fly to Seattle for a week.

Aside from that, this whole parenting things is fucking HARD. They tell you before the kid comes that it's difficult and that it will change your life. But I don't think anything really prepared me for EXACTLY how hard this all is. There are some really amazing times, where I look at this kid and am in total awe of what M & I were able to create. He's so perfect and wonderful, and the love we both have for him is unreal. But holy shit. There are times where I think, I have no fucking clue what I am doing. I second guess everything that I do, wondering if it's the right thing. Am I feeding him enough? Am I bad mom because we're not breast feeding right now and I'm only pumping at this point? [a different post for a different day]. Have I held him enough today or did I put him down and in the pack and play for too long? Is he going to get sick if I leave the house for a little while? Is he too warm? Too cold? Did I let him sleep too long in between feeding sessions just because I wanted an extra 30 minutes of sleep? Questions after questions after questions of trying to figure it all out.

And when the pure exhaustion hits, that's when the baby blues are at their worst. I feel like things are getting a little better on that aspect ... there definitely are not as many tears as there were in the beginning ... but some days I just feel so lost and helpless that I can't help but lose it. It's frustrating to feel like this and it makes me feel HORRIBLE for crying over something that we wanted for so long. The emotions are so random and extensive. But, I'm fighting them and hoping that with time, things get easier.

Plus, this little guy? He really is worth it in the long run. That run is exhausting, but he is worth every second.

One Week

It's hard to believe that one week has passed since the birth of our little peanut. Where did the time go? I can't believe that we have survived the first week of having this guy in our lives. While there have been so many challenges and times when things have been so frustrating I end up in tears, I wouldn't trade any of this for anything. Lucas is nothing short of a miracle in our lives and while adjusting has been hard, I wouldn't trade it for anything. I love snuggling with my baby every chance I can get and kiss his perfect little cheeks no less than 1,000 times a day. And his sad little cry when he starts to get upset? It breaks my heart every single time. The hormones have been the hardest thing to battle, sending me into fits of tears at the drop of ANYTHING. Most of the time, they are happy tears, because I truly cannot believe how wonderful this all is. But basically, I am a hormonal disaster, good and bad, but dealing with it every day!

Breastfeeding
Breastfeeding has been a challenge, to say the least. We did OK the first couple of days in the hospital, with some help from an amazing lactation team. That streak continued the first night home. We were having good sessions where he would latch and hold on for a good amount of time. Then day two came, and it all went downhill from there. Nursing sessions became a struggle for both of us, and there were often tears on both ends. It got to the point one day where we had been fighting to nurse for so long, that I gave up and gave him some formula. I wasn't proud, but the kid needed to eat and at that point, I didn't care where it came from. I then called and set up an appointment with one of the lactation consultants at the hospital so that we could get some help.

What we found out was that we weren't necessarily doing anything wrong. There were some basics changes that needed to be made [the way I held the baby, positioning, etc] but after doing a normal nursing session with the consultant, we weighed him on their fancy scale [we also weighed him before hand] and realized that he was, basically, not getting any milk. Like, at all. The LC then noticed that his frenulum [the little flap of skin attached to the underside of your tongue] was way too short and that this is what was likely causing us all of our issues. So, a referral was put in, and tomorrow afternoon we go to get that little thing snipped. Hopefully, all will go well and the peanut and I can get back on track to a healthy nursing regiment. In the mean time, we have continued with our nursing sessions to keep up the practice, but I am also pumping & supplementing at every feeding. My supply is not great due to only pumping so I am looking into starting some herbs to hopefully help with the supply as well as starting a stock pile, since I go back to work in 9 weeks.

Sleeping
Sleeping has been good. This kid sleeps round the clock, to the point where I am constantly checking books and websites to make sure that he isn't sleeping TOO much. But I am quick to remind myself that he is only a few days old and that this is normal. The first couple of nights were rough because a) he was constantly hungry [for obvious reasons!] and b] we don't think the bassinet we have in our room is working out very well. Because he has been getting more food through supplementation [both breast and formula to fill in the gaps for now] he is sleeping for better stretches at night, i.e. a normal three hour stretch vs. up every hour like he was when we first came home. We have also resorted to putting him in the swing at night in our bedroom which is also helping out tremendously. He loves his pack and play sleeper, but we keep that out in the living room since we are there most of the day.

For me, the best part about sleeping has been the ability to SLEEP ON MY STOMACH. Oh man, I missed this so much. The three hour stretches I sleep at night are far better for me than any stretch I got while pregnant, simply due to the fact that I am more comfortable. Stomach sleeping = best. thing. ever.

One Week Post-Partum 
I am, for the  most part, feeling pretty good. The long labor took a lot out of me the first couple of days, and I am still very sore from some of the complications. One week after delivering Lucas, however, I am down to my pre-pregnancy weight, having lost 20 pounds so far. I am pretty happy with this milestone, and am looking forward to getting the OK to start working out again [but will say that those 20 pounds came off all on their own, through delivery, breastfeeding/pumping and my body doing it's natural thing. I have done nothing this week besides a couple of walks and staring at the kiddo!] But for right now I am focusing on eating well, staying hydrated and recovering as best we can. The walks that we have gone on have been slightly strenuous but will get easier with time. Anything more than that is just a glimmer in my eye at this point.

I need to do his newborn photos but this week has been busy with appointments galore. My plan is to do them this weekend while he's still so squishy and soft, and when we have a little more time. It's hard trying to fit them into our schedule when he is eating every two to three hours. But I can't wait for all the things I want to try and hopefully they will turn out great.

Thank you to everyone for all the support that I received both here and via twitter. This week has flown by, and I know that it's just going to go by quicker. We are both so blessed and so happy to have this new addition in our family!

Welcome & The Birth Story

Welcome to our little neck of the woods! I figured starting a family blog would be much easier for our friends & family to keep up with us if they want to, instead of forcing the cuteness of Lucas on everybody on facebook! I'll do my best to update as much as I can, but no promises.

I know I posted this on facebook, but if you haven't had a chance to read it [and would like to] then feel free. If not, then skip it! Hope you'll keep checking back!

The Birth Story
We had a beautiful bouncing baby BOY!! Lucas Cutler was born Thursday, March 22nd at 12:06 am. He weighed eight pounds on the dot and was a whopping 21.5 inches long! Our birth story is LONG & complicated, but in the end was so, so worth it. I love this kid more than life itself. He is amazing & perfect & so, so wonderful in so many ways.

Prior to this, we were waiting for something ... ANYTHING ... to happen to get things started with this labor process. I was five days past my due date & growing more & more uncomfortable. That Thursday, I went back to my clinic to do another non-stress test & an ultrasound to continue to make sure that baby was doing well [he was]. Unfortunately, there was still zero progress on my end. I was still sitting at 1 cm & about 20% effaced. Blech. My midwife & I started talking about the induction process. I was one week past my due date and we had talked about waiting until two weeks before doing anything, but under the advice of my midwife, we decided to give it the weekend to see what happened. If nothing, then Monday morning [the 19th] I would call Labor & Delivery at the hospital to get in for an induction.

The weekend came & went with not even the smallest of a contraction, or any other indication that baby was coming on his own, so Monday morning at 6:30 AM we called L&D [expecting to go in at 7:30] only to be told they were full. No REAL surprise there. This is a military town. There are two hospitals: civilian & military. We chose to have our wee one at the civilian one which delivers about 400 babies a MONTH. [No joke. There were 11 other babies born the same day as Lucas] So we spent the day trying to stay busy, calling back to check in & all around getting antsy about what was to come. In our minds, our little one was going to be there soon. VERY soon! It was scary and surreal and awesome all at the same time. So as the minutes ticked by before we got the call, it all seemed to move very, very slow.

Around 2:00 in the afternoon, L&D finally called us back, saying that they had a bed available so to come on in. So we looked at each other, had a quick moment of panic and headed off to the hospital. We were taken to our very large delivery room where we set up camp.

The Proud Papa on Monday Afternoon

I should mention that ideally, there was a birth plan. I had a very grand idea about what I wanted to do. Natural birth, no drugs or epidural, saline block only with no IV, monitoring of baby only when necessary, freedom to walk around and labor the way that I wanted to, not cutting the chord right away but waiting until it stopped pulsing. I was completely flexible on all of these things & my midwife & I had talked in detail about the things that were most important to me, but I was going into labor [prior to being induced] knowing that things would likely change and that "going with the flow" would be important to make my delivery as smooth as possible.

It is safe to say that every single thing, aside from NOT having a c-section, was tossed out the window. My birth plan? Now just a lovely stack of papers and a dream of what could have been!

When we got to our delivery unit, the plan from my midwife was to take 25 mg of C.ytotec, a drug that would help thin out my cervix and hopefully get me dilated a little more since I was still sitting pretty at 1cm. We would repeat that four hours later, and then four hours after that, give it the rest of the night to work and reevaluate in the morning.

This is what it looks like when you think labor won't last very long ...

Unfortunately, the on-call doctor had other plans. Since it was late in the day, and I'm assuming because I wasn't his patient, he sort of decided that he didn't want to deal with me. I took one dose of C.ytotec at 4:00 and then our nurse came in saying the on-call doc had cancelled the rest. My midwife explained to me the  next morning that she had a feeling that would happen because he is very "hands off" but it was frustrating none the less. The nurses were kind enough to give me an a.mbien to help me sleep and we called Monday a bust.

Tuesday morning we resumed the baby producing activities. I was given another dose of C.ytotec at 8am and was started on p.itocin at 10am, since I was still, shocker, at 1 cm. And not just a little dose of pit, but over the course of an hour my dose was knocked up to 42ml. Eventually the contractions started, and we barreled our way through it. They were slow and steady and far between, definitely in no way comfortable but they were there and to me, a good sign. Unfortunately, my body did not get the memo, despite the drugs telling it what to do. At 4:00 we checked me again to see what kind of progress had been made after being on the p.itocin all day and the help from the c.ytotec. The hope was that I was progressing enough that my midwife could come in and break my water for me to help things along.

Two whopping centimeters. And maybe 30% effacement. Essentially, after all day of being on a high dose of p.itocin, my body did nothing.

So. We regrouped. The nurses talked to my midwife and we decided to take me OFF the p.itocin to give my body a rest, and to give me some c.ervidil overnight to again, HOPEFULLY, help my cervix progress a little. Another ambien was taken. Another night was spent in the labor and delivery unit.

Another night wasted. Upon being checked first thing in the morning, I had only dilated to 3cm. To say that I was incredibly frustrated at this point was a HUGE understatement. It was more than annoying that things were not progressing. So once again, we started me on some more p.itocin and waited for things to take off. This time around, I reacted much better to the pictocin and the contractions picked up. Quickly. Almost too quickly. I was having contractions about 30 seconds long every five minutes apart. Because of the p.itocin, they were a little intense and somewhat painful. Obviously, contractions are meant to be painful, but this was at a level much higher than what they would have been at 3cm without. Around 11:30 my midwife came in and broke my water for me, which we discovered was full of meconium. We discussed the idea of an epidural, for the pure fact that not only was I starting to be in intense pain at only 3cm, but PRIMARILY for the fact that it may have been just what my body needed to relax and really get going. She suggested waiting an hour to get it, but left it up to me to think about and decide.

I made it 20 minutes after she left before I asked for it. At this point, my contraction were almost a minute long and about 2-3 minutes apart from one another. And INTENSE. On top of the quick contractions, I was also shaking violently every time I had one as a side effect of the drug. My body was being forced to do something it wasn't wanting to do, and I wasn't reacting well. Once the epidural kicked in, it was a welcome relief. Although I could still feel the pressure of every one, the pain for the most part was gone.

However, we then came across our next hurdle. Every time I had a contraction, little man's heart rate would plummet. Because my contractions at this point were so close together, he had no time to recover before the next one would start. For good reason, we were worried and after a lengthy time of watching his heart rate pattern, we decided, once again, to take me OFF the p.itocin for the time being, to let the little guy get better. We watched his heart rate closely making sure that even though it dropped a little when my contraction started, that by the time the contraction was over, his heart rate was back to normal. It was a couple of hours before the nurses [mainly our AMAZING nurse, Katy, who was beyond fantastic the entire day & night] were happy with what they were seeing and agreed to put me back on the p.itocin. At this point I had SUCCESSFULLY dilated to about 5cm so we knew things were moving along.

Then shit got real, real fast. I started to dilate faster and within the next couple of hours, I had reached 10cm with some incredibly intense contractions. Even with the epidural, I was in some pretty intense pain and the urge to push was more than I could handle. Insert next road block: although I had reached 10cm, my cervix had not dropped to where it needed to be. At 10cm dilated I was told, you cannot start pushing yet. You need to wait.

WHAT??!

Other moms out there will probably tell you that when your body hits that point, the urge to push is uncontrollable. It is what your body is naturally wanting to do. So at a moment like this, fighting nature is hard. And painful. And for an HOUR AND A HALF, I "didn't push." And by didn't push, I mean I suffered in some pretty extreme agony for that hour and a half. I would make it halfway through the contraction and then all hell would break lose. Every time. At one point, I was given a booster for my epidural because the pain was more than I could tolerate.

After that hour and a half, I was finally told that I could start pushing. YAY!!!!! Now we were talking! Except this is me we are talking about ... one hour into pushing and the little guy had not budged. Not even a little. At this point his soft spot was swelling through the cervix [he still has a lovely bruise] but the rest of his head decided it didn't want to make an appearance yet. I fully believe at this point, any other medical team would have sent me in for a c-section because I had been laboring so long & so intensely. Not to mention my kiddo's unwillingness to descend. But you know what guys? My team was amazing. The OB from my clinic was on call that night [at this point, we are WELL into the evening] and he let me keep going.

And it was here that the little guy finally started to do what he needed to do to come down that birthing canal. Unfortunately [again, this is me] I had spiked a fever of almost 101 degrees, so I was put on antibiotics [which I stayed on through Thursday night] and oxygen. But we were making progress! PROGRESS! And one hour later [yes, another whole hour of pushing!] at 12:06 am on Thursday morning, Lucas Cutler made his appearance into the world.

Little Man, getting some work done. Poor baby!

Lucas came with his own set of problems in all of this as well. It's suspected that he had three or four bowel movements while hanging out inside. I mentioned the meconium in the water earlier, but towards the end of my pushing, I am told that it was essentially straight  meconium that was coming out with him. It's safe to say that he was a lovely shade of green upon arrival. His chord was also wrapped around his neck upon exit. I had already been told in advance that because of meconium alone, the NICU team would be standing by waiting to whisk him away, and that's exactly what they did. The chord just made things worse not to mention he had swallowed a ton of the meconium fluid which needed to be sucked out. On top of those two things, his breathing was elevated and his color was a little pale. He was given an IV right away as well as some antibiotics because of my fever. My husband did not get to cut the chord because of the meconium but the NICU team was in the room with us so he was able to stand by the side of our little one through the whole after process.

After about 30 minutes, they brought my little green monster over to me and it was of course, love at first sight. Hearing "It's A Boy!" was completely surreal. He was beautiful and wonderful and everything that we had worked so hard for over so  many years. Having him in my arms, despite EVERYTHING that we had gone through over the last three days was worth it. The pain. The misery. The tears. Worth every single minute of what we went through. My husband was a ROCK through the whole thing, telling me to keep going when there were MANY moments where I wanted to give up. Same with my friend Jenny, who was there with us the entire afternoon and evening, through the thick of it. Without them, I would have given up. There was a brief moment where I thought a c-section would be a welcome relief!

What almost 48 hours of labor looks like! Worn but so, so happy

The proud, proud papa!

But this guy? He makes my heart melt. I love every piece of him.